goteveryonewatchinus:

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there’s a fucking furry at the mall!!!!

what the hell is an “"easter bunny”“

My app crashed three times trying to reblog this, and I feel that was the universe trying to stop me from giving others whiplash.

funnytwittertweets:

beserkerhealer:

mmm-shallan:

mikerickson:

clearnorthernskyy:

Not to be gay on main…. But all I want is to live in a small medieval town. I’m the town baker. My bakery is my home and I’m always wearing an apron and covered in flour.

Nextdoor is a forge, and I am very close with the blacksmith that works there. Every morning I bring him a freshly baked loaf of bread. As I hand it to him our hands touch briefly. His hands are rough, yet they’re so careful and gentle with everything he touches. I secretly want him to be that gentle with me.

One day, he walks into my bakery, he’s still sweaty from the intense heat of the forge. In his hands is a small dagger in it’s sheath. He hands it to me and tells me it’s to protect myself if needed.

I take the dagger out of it’s sheath. It’s beautifully made. There are intricate designs engraved into the metal. It’s so much more complicated than anything else yeah blacksmith has ever made. It must’ve been so time consuming to make.

I look up at him and with just one look I understand why he’s giving it to me. With one look we both understand that we love each other. He leans in and kisses me. It’s so soft and sweet, and gentle.

He comes by every day to get a loaf of bread and kiss me. We keep our relationship a secret. And everyone wonders why neither of us have found wives. But we know exactly why. And we’re completely content with being secret lovers.

Is that really too much to ask?

I never knew i needed this highly specific fantasy but now here it it

wethinkwedream:

wethinkwedream:

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

whenever i post this it works 
reblog if u want to feel good things & the universe will bring u something sweet 

radicalposture:

no offense but how the hell did disney get away with making a multi billion dollar star wars blockbuster film trilogy and not plan out any of the story beats or plot points in advance I didn’t even write essays for school without at least???? knowing where I was going with what I was writing ??? The idiocy,???? The. The incompetence???? sickening

When You Get a Job in a Seasonal Halloween Store:

awriterorsomething:

The following information is brought to you by: NARBI GASHWIN MEDIA

DO:

• Wear your name badge at all times.
• Greet every customer that walks in.
• Keep the witch costumes separate from the reaper costumes.
• Make sure the store is open at exactly 9:00 a.m every morning.
• Have the volume of the spooky soundtrack at 75%. No more. No less.
• Ignore the rattling bones in the decor section.
• Leave one piece of chocolate (preferably a Reese’s cup) on a shelf in the super hero isle before you leave for the night. This will make her a little less restless.
• Make sure all customers are out of the store by 10:00 p.m.
• Leave the store by 10:30 p.m.
• Avoid eye contact with the woman who enters the store after all the customers have left.
• Dress up if you’re working on Halloween night.
• Leave the prop section alone when cleaning the store.
• Put at least one carved pumpkin outside the store at the beginning of the last week of October. Light it with a candle. If it stays lit until 12:00 a.m on the 31st, you’re safe.

DO NOT:

• Try on any of the masks.
• Stand in the weapons isle for longer than 3 minutes if you’re the only one in the store.
• Turn off the store music until every customer has left the store.
• Go into the storage room if it’s passed 12:00 a.m
• Engage with the man in the green coat.
• Keep the store open any later than 10:05 p.m. Lock the doors at exactly that time.
• Look at yourself in any of the mirrors in the dressing room for too long.
• Help the child looking for his mother. No matter how many times he asks.
• Keep any candy corn in your possession.
• Turn the store lights off until you’ve knocked on the register counter 3 times.
• Sing or dance to Monster Mash when it comes on.
• Sell any fake blood to the person in the vampire costume.
• Open the door for the group of trick or treaters that will show up after closing on Halloween. Take the back door if they’re still there when you need to leave.
• Wear a clown costume on Halloween night.
• Go anywhere near the stockroom if it’s raining outside.

If anything in this guide proves to be inaccurate, contact us.

Thank you.

(Source: awriterorsomething)

cartoontees:

im so sick of people being like “i wish there was a story where *insert something that definitely already happened in megamind*”